I wanted to post something right at midnight but instead I went out for a small family party. Of course we have cousins that like to party till the wee hours of the morning and the fact that I was sleeping on the couch at 2:30am didn't give them the hint to leave. LOL.
So I get there and the family's there, along with a friend that I never met before. Immediate reaction: Robert's setting me up with this guy. I'm gonna kill him. That's me jumping the gun of course but luckily it wasn't and it was a good thing too. That guy didn't even talk to me that whole night. Thank goodness he left to another party because he was just weird.
I had made a promise (more like the New Years resolution that everyone makes at midnight but never keep) that the new year I wouldn't continue on my depression and just live pre-Guillermo. Did I do that? Of course not! New Year's Day, I spent a good hour (plus I was too lazy and tired to go upstairs and see if anyone was awake. I had spent the night at my tia's house) curled up in the Bella position until Robert (my uncle and the only one besides Carilly that knows what really happened) literally pulled me out of bed (plus my dad and stepmother were coming over with food and if they saw me like that I would have to go through all the questions).
Before I was viciously pulled out of bed, I laid there crying (yet again) and wondered if I should text him back. I didn't of course but I've been so tempted to text him, hoping he will say something that will give me hope he's miserable too but he's a guy and guys don't care if they don't have a certain girl with them. They can go out and find other girls to fill a void, unlike me who can't do that because it's wrong.
This morning I had a dream and thinking about it, maybe it's a sign that things are going to get better. It was at nighttime and I don't know if we were at the Pier or on the beach or where exactly, but there were lights (like we were at a carnival or something. That's why I thought it was at the Pier). I was crying and telling Guillermo how much I've missed him, as my friend, and how everything was not the same because I knew I lost him. He was crying too and he said he felt the same way too, that he was missing a part of him and then pulled me in and kissed me. It wasn't like any regular kiss, but it was the way he kissed me the night we went to Pershing Square. That's when I woke up because I could feel the tears starting up.
I had said this year was going to be different, but so far I'm still the same like last year. Now I just realized that for the next 5 months (February-June) there would be no chance for any type of reconciliation because those months are prom season and Guillermo's gonna be working so much. In a way, I hope something will happen this month but maybe this has to happen so we can completely move on from each other.
No comments:
Post a Comment