It was strange on this day (I don't know what the significance of December 30th or the number 30 or what) that I start thinking about Juan. To recap, Juan was my first guy I went out with AND the first one to lose everything to. Anyway, I started thinking about him and how the "relationship" (I say "relationship" because we really didn't have a "relationship," more like "I'm bored so let's have sex" type) was and what it could have been. Then I again start thinking about how Guillermo came in and (in his own strange way) "rescued" me from that. Yes I would have stopped the Juan "relationship" on my own (I put a year's difference seeing him and this last time was it for me) but Guillermo was there to help me get passed it. Why was I thinking about it I don't know. Maybe because I have Guillermo's present floating in the back of the car? Who knows.
Maybe since I'm home taking care of my mom, I'm finding more time to sleep and think about things. I tweeted yesterday how it could be my grandma causing my mom's pneunomia to get me distracted from the whole Guillermo thing but I would think it would be a cruel thing to do.
A. Without a strong immune system I can catch pretty much anything (for example, the mild Swine Flu from October)
B. My mom, being sickly as it is, could get worst and ....you know
Can you believe I actually want to go back to work so I can get my mind off of my personal, screwed up life? Like everyone has been saying this week, I can't wait to see what happens in 2010. I want things to be different, exciting, and full of happiness. I would love to have a wonderful 2010 with Guillermo (who I still think with that one small part of me is my one) but if that's not meant to be, then I have to try to move on and find someone else. Maybe find a better, full time job or even start grad school (but MSMC will probably won't let me get transcripts till 2011), but most importantly MOVE OUT!
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