It was strange on this day (I don't know what the significance of December 30th or the number 30 or what) that I start thinking about Juan. To recap, Juan was my first guy I went out with AND the first one to lose everything to. Anyway, I started thinking about him and how the "relationship" (I say "relationship" because we really didn't have a "relationship," more like "I'm bored so let's have sex" type) was and what it could have been. Then I again start thinking about how Guillermo came in and (in his own strange way) "rescued" me from that. Yes I would have stopped the Juan "relationship" on my own (I put a year's difference seeing him and this last time was it for me) but Guillermo was there to help me get passed it. Why was I thinking about it I don't know. Maybe because I have Guillermo's present floating in the back of the car? Who knows.
Maybe since I'm home taking care of my mom, I'm finding more time to sleep and think about things. I tweeted yesterday how it could be my grandma causing my mom's pneunomia to get me distracted from the whole Guillermo thing but I would think it would be a cruel thing to do.
A. Without a strong immune system I can catch pretty much anything (for example, the mild Swine Flu from October)
B. My mom, being sickly as it is, could get worst and ....you know
Can you believe I actually want to go back to work so I can get my mind off of my personal, screwed up life? Like everyone has been saying this week, I can't wait to see what happens in 2010. I want things to be different, exciting, and full of happiness. I would love to have a wonderful 2010 with Guillermo (who I still think with that one small part of me is my one) but if that's not meant to be, then I have to try to move on and find someone else. Maybe find a better, full time job or even start grad school (but MSMC will probably won't let me get transcripts till 2011), but most importantly MOVE OUT!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
2009 review (part II of many)
Yes I will be having MANY parts of 2009 reviews on here so too bad!! LOL.
Since I won't be invited to any New Years Eve parties (and why would I want to go and watch everyone snuggle with their loved ones and get their New Years kiss which I will never get or probably could have if I didn't break up with Guillermo --- sweet nibblets! Doing it again. LOL) I figure I would have my own little one person party and just hang out in my room watching movies or blogging or actually (for reals!) clean the room.
Now that I am a single woman in my late 20s (sweet nibblets! I can't believe I'm that boring now. I wonder if I was always like that pre-Guillermo....hmm...) I should already be living the typical life: living on one's own, having a career one loves, dating/engaged....but of course with the rest of my life I'm not the typical girl. It seems like everyone else has the better luck but not me---maybe I have some family curse, who knows.
Anyway, this is my deep thinking for the week. :)
Since I won't be invited to any New Years Eve parties (and why would I want to go and watch everyone snuggle with their loved ones and get their New Years kiss which I will never get or probably could have if I didn't break up with Guillermo --- sweet nibblets! Doing it again. LOL) I figure I would have my own little one person party and just hang out in my room watching movies or blogging or actually (for reals!) clean the room.
Now that I am a single woman in my late 20s (sweet nibblets! I can't believe I'm that boring now. I wonder if I was always like that pre-Guillermo....hmm...) I should already be living the typical life: living on one's own, having a career one loves, dating/engaged....but of course with the rest of my life I'm not the typical girl. It seems like everyone else has the better luck but not me---maybe I have some family curse, who knows.
Anyway, this is my deep thinking for the week. :)
Saturday, December 26, 2009
2009 review (part I of many)
What did I learn from 2009?
1. Never give your heart to someone, they will break it
2. Listen to your guts (and BFFs) when they tell you to dump the guy from the beginning.
3. When you spend the night crying over the guy, you should dump him
4. If he acts very romantic and sweet, it's usually an act to get in your pants
5. Never believe a word he says. 99.9% of the time he's lying
AKA: This is what Guillermo has taught me in 2009 and it took my last night in his room after Thanksgiving to realize that.
My 27th birthday was supposed to be a happy one. I was spending it with my dad's family for the first time in years and I went to Disneyland for the first time in years (yes I've been there before obliviously but never on my birthday!). A couple of days before Friday, of course, I texted Guillermo to ask about dropping off a present to his parents (who I adore and plus I don't know if they know what we'd been doing in Guillermo's room so better to play it safe and be extra nice to them). We started texting each other back and he asked if I was going to Disneyland this weekend. I said no because I work Saturday but I was going on my actual birthday. He then surprised me by saying "Am I invited?" By habit, I guess, I told him sure and he asked what time and who was going. After mentioning my mom was going, he said "oh I better not. It might be akward." Big mistake coming up because I then said, "True but really since I'm not staying long at Disneyland why don't you come to my dinner party instead." Guillermo then replies, "I don't know. It might be weird." My last response to him was, "It won't be because my family knows you since I talk about you. They won't make you feel weird." That's all it took for me to get my hopes up and start thinking he was really going to make an effort to make things work. Boy was I wrong and I spent the last 3 hours of my birthday laying in bed, crying.
1. Never give your heart to someone, they will break it
2. Listen to your guts (and BFFs) when they tell you to dump the guy from the beginning.
3. When you spend the night crying over the guy, you should dump him
4. If he acts very romantic and sweet, it's usually an act to get in your pants
5. Never believe a word he says. 99.9% of the time he's lying
AKA: This is what Guillermo has taught me in 2009 and it took my last night in his room after Thanksgiving to realize that.
My 27th birthday was supposed to be a happy one. I was spending it with my dad's family for the first time in years and I went to Disneyland for the first time in years (yes I've been there before obliviously but never on my birthday!). A couple of days before Friday, of course, I texted Guillermo to ask about dropping off a present to his parents (who I adore and plus I don't know if they know what we'd been doing in Guillermo's room so better to play it safe and be extra nice to them). We started texting each other back and he asked if I was going to Disneyland this weekend. I said no because I work Saturday but I was going on my actual birthday. He then surprised me by saying "Am I invited?" By habit, I guess, I told him sure and he asked what time and who was going. After mentioning my mom was going, he said "oh I better not. It might be akward." Big mistake coming up because I then said, "True but really since I'm not staying long at Disneyland why don't you come to my dinner party instead." Guillermo then replies, "I don't know. It might be weird." My last response to him was, "It won't be because my family knows you since I talk about you. They won't make you feel weird." That's all it took for me to get my hopes up and start thinking he was really going to make an effort to make things work. Boy was I wrong and I spent the last 3 hours of my birthday laying in bed, crying.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
WTF? Guillermo AS Joe Jonas? Yikes!!
Yes you read right! For the past day, I have been dreaming about yours truly JOE JONAS (and who wouldn't want to dream about him ~*sigh*) but not like perfect, kind Joe Jonas. This Joe Jonas is acting EXACTLY like Guillermo and it has freaked me out so much (not that much that I would stop obsessing over the Jonas Brothers~there is still 1 that is available and 2 that I can like :) ). I will recreate the first dream that started this craziness.
Dream #1:
We are on the set of JONAS (only the BEST show on Disney of course!) and I am Stella's other BFF, Liz (of course also very cute in my school uniform!) and we all are hanging out in the hallway, which on the show they always do. The group includes Joe, Kevin, Nick, and Macy, plus us. Anyway, Joe being the firtly one, is being his extra adorable self again (in which Stella and I are equally being adorable back, but I'm also throwing in a bit of sarcasm and joking around too---which Joe takes an extra interest in too) but after a while the three of us decides that in order to save our friendship, he can't choose with girl to go out with or even date. Stella and I agree and our group continues their laughing and happiness in the hallway until we go to class.
Now Joe and I have the same class so we go off together, still playing and joking around. How convienent we have orchestra as a class (LOL) and Joe and I usually stay behind after class to help put the instruments away. Somehow (plus I am clumsy) I slip and fall behind the tuba and Joe starts laughing. I'm laughing too and tell him to come help me up. He comes over and ends up falling on top of me and we're both laughing so hard on the floor until he stops and kisses me! (YIKES!). I of course try to be the reasonable one (hint: I said that to Guillermo when I broke up with him) but Joe said, "Why? Didn't you want me to kiss you?" (hint: Guillermo told me that when we first fought). I just nodded and agreed that yes I wanted to kiss him for the longest time (hint: I told Guillermo that after we first kissed at LAX) and then we started kissing some more.
It was easy to hide our relationship from the group, especially Stella, because nothing had changed between Joe and me. We still teased and joked around but when we were alone, then there was the occassional kissing BUT this is where it got weird. Joe's room was not in the firehouse like the show. Joe's room WAS Guillermo's room---down to every last detail that I can remember from his room. So Joe takes me to his room and yada yada---like what Guillermo and me would do. This really freaked me out because everyone knows the entire Jonas clan has purity rings and Joe would never do stuff like that (maybe he really does and the press doesn't know that yet, but better not to assume he is for now.)
Dream #2:
I go over to Guillermo's house before Christmas to drop off presents to his parents. His mom is so excited to see me and tells me that Guillermo hasn't been doing good. I ask why and she tells me he just sleeps, not eating as much, and doesn't go out with anyone anymore. I start feeling bad for him and she notices my attitude change and tells me to go into his room and wake him up. I hesitate at first, because I don't know how he would react seeing me after all these weeks, but his mom pushed me to see him. There I go into his room and he's sound asleep, covered with this huge blanket he likes. I kneel down and I start running my hand through his hair (like I would always do) and he starts to wake up. He sees me and smiles at me, then he sits up and ~sweet nibblets!~ it's JOE JONAS!!
So I have certain songs that remind me of Guillermo and right after these dreams I quickly put them on so I can try to forget. BIG MISTAKE!! Each song reminds me of Guillermo BUT I see Joe.
This is SO weird!! So I don't know if that means I'm really forgetting Guillermo OR I'm missing him so much I'm making any celeb into him (self consciously).
Dream #1:
We are on the set of JONAS (only the BEST show on Disney of course!) and I am Stella's other BFF, Liz (of course also very cute in my school uniform!) and we all are hanging out in the hallway, which on the show they always do. The group includes Joe, Kevin, Nick, and Macy, plus us. Anyway, Joe being the firtly one, is being his extra adorable self again (in which Stella and I are equally being adorable back, but I'm also throwing in a bit of sarcasm and joking around too---which Joe takes an extra interest in too) but after a while the three of us decides that in order to save our friendship, he can't choose with girl to go out with or even date. Stella and I agree and our group continues their laughing and happiness in the hallway until we go to class.
Now Joe and I have the same class so we go off together, still playing and joking around. How convienent we have orchestra as a class (LOL) and Joe and I usually stay behind after class to help put the instruments away. Somehow (plus I am clumsy) I slip and fall behind the tuba and Joe starts laughing. I'm laughing too and tell him to come help me up. He comes over and ends up falling on top of me and we're both laughing so hard on the floor until he stops and kisses me! (YIKES!). I of course try to be the reasonable one (hint: I said that to Guillermo when I broke up with him) but Joe said, "Why? Didn't you want me to kiss you?" (hint: Guillermo told me that when we first fought). I just nodded and agreed that yes I wanted to kiss him for the longest time (hint: I told Guillermo that after we first kissed at LAX) and then we started kissing some more.
It was easy to hide our relationship from the group, especially Stella, because nothing had changed between Joe and me. We still teased and joked around but when we were alone, then there was the occassional kissing BUT this is where it got weird. Joe's room was not in the firehouse like the show. Joe's room WAS Guillermo's room---down to every last detail that I can remember from his room. So Joe takes me to his room and yada yada---like what Guillermo and me would do. This really freaked me out because everyone knows the entire Jonas clan has purity rings and Joe would never do stuff like that (maybe he really does and the press doesn't know that yet, but better not to assume he is for now.)
Dream #2:
I go over to Guillermo's house before Christmas to drop off presents to his parents. His mom is so excited to see me and tells me that Guillermo hasn't been doing good. I ask why and she tells me he just sleeps, not eating as much, and doesn't go out with anyone anymore. I start feeling bad for him and she notices my attitude change and tells me to go into his room and wake him up. I hesitate at first, because I don't know how he would react seeing me after all these weeks, but his mom pushed me to see him. There I go into his room and he's sound asleep, covered with this huge blanket he likes. I kneel down and I start running my hand through his hair (like I would always do) and he starts to wake up. He sees me and smiles at me, then he sits up and ~sweet nibblets!~ it's JOE JONAS!!
So I have certain songs that remind me of Guillermo and right after these dreams I quickly put them on so I can try to forget. BIG MISTAKE!! Each song reminds me of Guillermo BUT I see Joe.
This is SO weird!! So I don't know if that means I'm really forgetting Guillermo OR I'm missing him so much I'm making any celeb into him (self consciously).
Friday, December 4, 2009
Twilight love baby bella thumper
It's been a week since I sent Guillermo that email and I have come to realize that he does love me (in a way). I said I didn't want to see him anymore and he is giving that to me. I haven't heard from him since I sent the email and no amount of tears or Bella huddling will change what I did. I sometimes regret breaking up with Guillermo, but like Carilly said, I had to do it.
I started cleaning out my phone messages and I found this text (my title) that he sent me right when he was boarding the plane to Denver back in August. That week was such a great memory for me, mostly because Guillermo really showed me what it could be like if we were a couple. Then I started thinking about other times we hung out and I start missing him more. It's like I have moments when I'm fine, then suddenly something happens (either a song or a ticket, etc) and I start missing him like crazy. Yes other times I've done the same thing and gotten over it, but this time it's real and I know I won't ever see Guillermo again.
At this moment, I would give anything to see Guillermo again. I miss his smile, his constant teasing me, basically everything about him.
In other news...(since I did promise not to just write about Guillermo)
~Sunday: Disneyland
~Saturday: playoff game @ 730pm. I'll be stalking Will Smith, Joe Montana and Wayne Gretzksy at Cathedral (their sons are playing againt Will's team)
~next Saturday: my friend (and first crush) from elementary school invited me to hear his band play. Maybe he can be my Jacob to take my mind off of Guillermo but I'm not going to hold my breath. Right now, I am not emotionally ready for any new guy to be in my life.
I started cleaning out my phone messages and I found this text (my title) that he sent me right when he was boarding the plane to Denver back in August. That week was such a great memory for me, mostly because Guillermo really showed me what it could be like if we were a couple. Then I started thinking about other times we hung out and I start missing him more. It's like I have moments when I'm fine, then suddenly something happens (either a song or a ticket, etc) and I start missing him like crazy. Yes other times I've done the same thing and gotten over it, but this time it's real and I know I won't ever see Guillermo again.
At this moment, I would give anything to see Guillermo again. I miss his smile, his constant teasing me, basically everything about him.
In other news...(since I did promise not to just write about Guillermo)
~Sunday: Disneyland
~Saturday: playoff game @ 730pm. I'll be stalking Will Smith, Joe Montana and Wayne Gretzksy at Cathedral (their sons are playing againt Will's team)
~next Saturday: my friend (and first crush) from elementary school invited me to hear his band play. Maybe he can be my Jacob to take my mind off of Guillermo but I'm not going to hold my breath. Right now, I am not emotionally ready for any new guy to be in my life.
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