Well...ain't I a smart girl?

I broke and I texted Guillermo last night. That was a big mistake but it was heartbreaking at the same time. He tells me "Sometimes it's best not to see someone that you really care about." At that point, I broke down and cried because I knew truly I messed up a somewhat good thing. What if I messed up a chance to be happy? What if Guillermo would have made things official between us? I truly think now I am alone because I feel this is the end of us. No amount of Christmas/Birthday/New Year miracles or wishes will help me because Guillermo gave me what I wanted...because he loved me.

In between feeling ever so depressed, I'm trying to write an essay for grad school. Yes! I'm trying to get in CSULA by a loophole (which is the program will accept unofficial transcripts). Only problem is I can't write the essay for the life of me! I realized before the text I might have lost my ability to write. Duh I can still write but before (especially during the Guillermo times) I can start writing about any little thing that comes to mind. Now, I can barely write this blog! I think Guillermo was my reason for writing and now that I lost him, I also lost my creative writing spark.

In between Guillermo and writer's block, we just had a meeting at work. To make things easier for everyone, they are re-consolidating the two departments back to one big department again. So everyone in the Billing group (technically we are a group because it's so small) is whispering to each other about what will happen to us. I'm wondering too, especially since I have PILES of field check information to enter into the computer PLUS more research requests that came in before the meeting. YIKES!

So to recap:
1. Guillermo's way of showing me he truly loved me is giving me what I wanted: a break up
2. I can't write if my life depended on it.
3. I might lose my current job and go back to being just an operator.
4. Just as I hate Star Wars, I might be heading to not like Twilight or the series because I started liking the series when I started dating Guillermo.