It wasn't bad enough I crossed the line and took Guillermo back, but now I'm so over the line I can't see the side of reasoning. LOL. (Ok no more Emily Griffin/Wickman novels LOL). I realized this weekend it's tough being a girlfriend, especially an unofficial one. I made a promise that I would not make the same mistakes I made the first time around with him, but damn Guillermo! He must've known about my promise because he's pulling every trick in the book to piss me off.
Saturday he goes out to a baseball game and doesn't invite me. Granted, I had plans with the family (we drove to Simi Valley to the Reagan Museum. I LOVED it!) but a "hey, I'm going to the game at 5pm you wanna come?" or something like that. If he would have texted me, I would have no reason to be upset. BUT HE DIDN'T! I was so upset but instead of arguing with him (which the old Jess would have definitely done!), I quietly put my phone down and started reading my book, thinking of ways to get back at Guillermo. I even thought of ways to find a Voturi family that could take him down too (YES I was pissed!).
Sunday was worst because all day, I did not hear from him. I made it a point (since apparently the only reason Guillermo complained about me deleting him from my Facebook was to check up on me) to mention on my statuses "I'M BORED SO I'M READING" . Did he call or text me to see if I wanted to go and do something? NO!! Oh, but the only, ONLY FREAKING text from him was a reply to my last status of the day.
Status: "NEIGHBORS ARE KILLING ME WITH GARLIC" or something like that but it was with garlic.
HIM: "REMIND ME TO GET YOU GARLIC FRIES!"
OMFG!! I wanted to call Guillermo up and let him have it! He could open up his laptop and reply back to a status but he can't freakin' pick up his phone and text me a message or (dare I say it!) call me! I don't know if this is a constant problem for girlfriends, I could be nitpicking, or both but this really bothered me. I know things changed between Guillermo and me, but I guess I was hoping for us to be closer after getting back together.
Bestie and me referred to Guillermo as "My Baby #3" but now he's been downgraded to "Marcus", the insensitive, uncaring guy from "Something Borrowed".
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Sweet Nibblets! I did it again!!
So I guess this means Guillermo and me are back to "unofficial status" again.
Difference is: I'm not going to push for "official" status like last time.
Difference is: I'm not going to push for "official" status like last time.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Here we go again!
Never rely on mobile email because apparently my very good and deep post didn't go through! Anyway, it's almost been a week since Guillermo and me went out after 7 months and I promised myself (and my bestie and my sanity) I wouldn't read into this. What am I doing? Reading into the situation like always.
I always said all I wanted was my best friend, my WALL-E abuser Guillermo back. No strings attached, no hidden messages, no unofficial boyfriend Guillermo..NOTHING! Now I am wishing he would do something like that again. At least kiss me again! Yes I know if that happened, everything that we are trying to work for will probably be messed up again. I'm definitely like Bella when Edward came back at the end of "NEW MOON" because I needed Guillermo. It was as though a missing piece of me came back on Monday when I saw him and it reminded me of our first date.
When I was very sick, I would pray (yes contrary to my family and friends's beliefs, I DO pray!) to see Guillermo one last time and tell him everything, including how I feel. Maybe Monday was my chance to see him and tell him, but of course I didn't say anything. I hope I do get to see him again because I need him.
I always said all I wanted was my best friend, my WALL-E abuser Guillermo back. No strings attached, no hidden messages, no unofficial boyfriend Guillermo..NOTHING! Now I am wishing he would do something like that again. At least kiss me again! Yes I know if that happened, everything that we are trying to work for will probably be messed up again. I'm definitely like Bella when Edward came back at the end of "NEW MOON" because I needed Guillermo. It was as though a missing piece of me came back on Monday when I saw him and it reminded me of our first date.
When I was very sick, I would pray (yes contrary to my family and friends's beliefs, I DO pray!) to see Guillermo one last time and tell him everything, including how I feel. Maybe Monday was my chance to see him and tell him, but of course I didn't say anything. I hope I do get to see him again because I need him.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Star wishing isn't a crazy thing after all!
Yes I did do that on 4th of July eve (why am I making every holiday into "eve" and "day"?) and thought I was going to break under the pressure of not talking to Guillermo (and I was still pissed at him for forgetting our anniversary AND not inviting me out to the Dodger game and other stuff). Well, as Carilly tried to warn me, I should have hidden my phone on 4th of July. Reason: mixing alcohol with the phone is a bad combo, especially when you have the number to your "ex" on the phone still. YES yours truly drank wine coolers to her heart's delight (and against my aunt's constant complaint) and I text Guillermo! It wasn't just for him though, it was to ALL my friends! Even the ones I don't talk to anymore. Worst part: I even put "Better send this out before I start drinking again! LOL" Did he reply? Of course with a generic "thanks you too!" but I knew the next day I would get some sort of comment about my drinking. LOL
Sure enough, yesterday I get a Facebook comment from Guillermo about Sunday. Not really thinking since I had a headache and it was already after 12pm (LOL), I replied back to the comment. While I was getting dressed, the phone rang and it was him. Immediate thought: CALL HIM! Of course I didn't because I thought it was a mistake so I sent him a text instead. He text me back and asked if I wanted to go to a baseball game with him. At first I was very hesitate. Reason: the last 2 times we planned on going out, Guillermo pulls at the end that he didn't feel good after all. Yes I should be sensitive but after the 2nd time and then hearing he went out with another friend, I knew he was just avoiding me. So, since I had to go out anyway, I said yes and waited for the infamous "oh wait, I have a headache" excuse. Instead I got "yay. so I'll be there in 30 minutes". Sweet Nibblets! Guillermo ACTUALLY said yes!
It was like nothing ever happened between us, because as soon as I got in the car it was same ol' Guillermo: teasing and making fun of me. It was a LONG drive out to Lancaster but it was good to just be out again and with him too :). Yes I had hope something else would have happened but at the end I was just glad to have my friend back, the same one that I met 2 years ago at Pinks (aka my WALL-E Abuser).
So instead of jinxing everything, I have decided I'm not telling anyone (except my bestie of course!) and not posting it on Facebook anymore. I want things to work out on its own and without people telling me what I should and shouldn't do. I think that was part of why I did what I did. For right now, I want to enjoy things with Guillermo before I tell people I'm back with him....as my best guy friend of course.
Sure enough, yesterday I get a Facebook comment from Guillermo about Sunday. Not really thinking since I had a headache and it was already after 12pm (LOL), I replied back to the comment. While I was getting dressed, the phone rang and it was him. Immediate thought: CALL HIM! Of course I didn't because I thought it was a mistake so I sent him a text instead. He text me back and asked if I wanted to go to a baseball game with him. At first I was very hesitate. Reason: the last 2 times we planned on going out, Guillermo pulls at the end that he didn't feel good after all. Yes I should be sensitive but after the 2nd time and then hearing he went out with another friend, I knew he was just avoiding me. So, since I had to go out anyway, I said yes and waited for the infamous "oh wait, I have a headache" excuse. Instead I got "yay. so I'll be there in 30 minutes". Sweet Nibblets! Guillermo ACTUALLY said yes!
It was like nothing ever happened between us, because as soon as I got in the car it was same ol' Guillermo: teasing and making fun of me. It was a LONG drive out to Lancaster but it was good to just be out again and with him too :). Yes I had hope something else would have happened but at the end I was just glad to have my friend back, the same one that I met 2 years ago at Pinks (aka my WALL-E Abuser).
So instead of jinxing everything, I have decided I'm not telling anyone (except my bestie of course!) and not posting it on Facebook anymore. I want things to work out on its own and without people telling me what I should and shouldn't do. I think that was part of why I did what I did. For right now, I want to enjoy things with Guillermo before I tell people I'm back with him....as my best guy friend of course.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Stupid grad essay!
I'm trying a new look now. LOL.
(Yes I am bored at work :) )
While waiting for work, I'm trying to finish up this blasted grad essay. Okay, back in the day, I could BS an essay the night before and still get an A or B. Now I can't write the beginning of this essay! I'm supposed to be a WRITER people!! It's even harder because you have to include that all important question: why do you want to pursue graduate study? I don't know...because I want to get a higher degree and get a better paying job? I don't think I would get accepted with that answer so I have to put something more....educated. That's where it's tricky and taking me FOREVER! Hopefully I can get it done before July 15th (deadline to apply for the fall or else I have to wait till next year to apply.)
Well poor Sassy the kitty was finally taken to her adopted family on Sunday. :(
She just didn't like Tobey and poor Tobey was scared of her (well I would be too if a little furry ball scratched me). Plus my mom found some...gifts in her room and said she had to go. I put her on Craig's List and a nice girl (I want to say around my age) replied back. I know she will give Sassy a nice home and love her a lot, but I do miss my little kitty :( Tobey of course is happy he has the house to himself again, but did pretend to be sad on Monday.
(Yes I am bored at work :) )
While waiting for work, I'm trying to finish up this blasted grad essay. Okay, back in the day, I could BS an essay the night before and still get an A or B. Now I can't write the beginning of this essay! I'm supposed to be a WRITER people!! It's even harder because you have to include that all important question: why do you want to pursue graduate study? I don't know...because I want to get a higher degree and get a better paying job? I don't think I would get accepted with that answer so I have to put something more....educated. That's where it's tricky and taking me FOREVER! Hopefully I can get it done before July 15th (deadline to apply for the fall or else I have to wait till next year to apply.)
Well poor Sassy the kitty was finally taken to her adopted family on Sunday. :(
She just didn't like Tobey and poor Tobey was scared of her (well I would be too if a little furry ball scratched me). Plus my mom found some...gifts in her room and said she had to go. I put her on Craig's List and a nice girl (I want to say around my age) replied back. I know she will give Sassy a nice home and love her a lot, but I do miss my little kitty :( Tobey of course is happy he has the house to himself again, but did pretend to be sad on Monday.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Crazy Edward/Twilight Dream!
You knew this would be coming when I would have an ACTUAL Twilight dream with Guillermo. LOL. It didn’t start off as a Twilight dream, or with Guillermo for that matter. It was just a normal, tv show inspired dream and, like in real life, Guillermo HAD to pop in somehow.
First, I was working on a case with Booth and Bones from “BONES” (if anyone remembers how much I LOVE that show and for a crazy few months wanted to become a forensic anthropologist), then it changes scenes. Bones was still there, but then it turned to Guillermo and me running towards a gate (it was a red gate, like the one from the garden center at Target. I was there all weekend btw.) Of course whenever I have dreams like this with him, we are always running away from something. I guess Guillermo and I are meant to always attract trouble---maybe that’s the reason for the drama we have between each other. Hmm…
Anyway, seeing the gate’s closing and only one person could get through, Guillermo pushes me through first and stays behind. Realizing what just happened, I get up and try to open the door but the door is electric so it automatically locked. This is the conversation just before the monsters get to him:
Guillermo: Get out of here, hurry.
Me: No I’m not leaving you, remember.
Guillermo: Hello! Why do you think I pushed you out first? Just go. I’ll be fine.
Me: No I’m not leaving.
Bones: *grabbing my arm* Come on Jess. You can’t save him. We have to go.
Guillermo: I’ll be fine. Just get out of here now.
Me: Fine. I’ll come back and save you. I promise.
Guillermo: I know you will.
So we leave and, like on TiVo, my dream skips through to the end. Bones and I are inside the garden center of Target (weird huh?) and the monsters turn out to be newborn vampires! Since they are newborns, they do not know the story about what happens in the light (they still think they will burn), so I was able to (somehow) bring a big spotlight and shine it in the room. They all leave except for the leader (could be Riley, who knows) who decides to let me fight off one of his new vampires: Guillermo!
So we are fighting (apparently I CAN fight with vampires; who knew!) at the same time I’m trying to get Guillermo to remember. Right as he’s about to bite me, he whispers “just play along.” So I pretend to be dead and once the leader is distracted by Guillermo, I come up and kill him. How did I do that? I don’t know but all I remember is both Guillermo and Booth (YES even poor Booth became a vampire) tearing the leader apart (a la Jasper and Emmett).
You’re wondering: How is this a Twilight/Edward dream? Well, after the fighting the guys realized (of course) they can’t go outside. Being a Twi-heart, I take Guillermo and put him towards the light and show him sparkling under the light. Here is the mini conversation:
Guillermo: Oh now I really have to read the books.
Me: Yes you do, especially if you want to be kissing me.
Guillermo: Why? Is there like a special vampire trick or something to kiss you?
Me: Try it and see what happens.
He leans over and kisses me but, like Edward, was having trouble. It was worst when, by accident, his tooth poked my lip and I started bleeding. Guillermo backs away while I was trying to clean my lip.
Me: Now you know what I mean. We are stopping by the house and I’m getting my books so you can start reading. Trust me, now you will have so much time you can finish reading those books in a couple of days.
First, I was working on a case with Booth and Bones from “BONES” (if anyone remembers how much I LOVE that show and for a crazy few months wanted to become a forensic anthropologist), then it changes scenes. Bones was still there, but then it turned to Guillermo and me running towards a gate (it was a red gate, like the one from the garden center at Target. I was there all weekend btw.) Of course whenever I have dreams like this with him, we are always running away from something. I guess Guillermo and I are meant to always attract trouble---maybe that’s the reason for the drama we have between each other. Hmm…
Anyway, seeing the gate’s closing and only one person could get through, Guillermo pushes me through first and stays behind. Realizing what just happened, I get up and try to open the door but the door is electric so it automatically locked. This is the conversation just before the monsters get to him:
Guillermo: Get out of here, hurry.
Me: No I’m not leaving you, remember.
Guillermo: Hello! Why do you think I pushed you out first? Just go. I’ll be fine.
Me: No I’m not leaving.
Bones: *grabbing my arm* Come on Jess. You can’t save him. We have to go.
Guillermo: I’ll be fine. Just get out of here now.
Me: Fine. I’ll come back and save you. I promise.
Guillermo: I know you will.
So we leave and, like on TiVo, my dream skips through to the end. Bones and I are inside the garden center of Target (weird huh?) and the monsters turn out to be newborn vampires! Since they are newborns, they do not know the story about what happens in the light (they still think they will burn), so I was able to (somehow) bring a big spotlight and shine it in the room. They all leave except for the leader (could be Riley, who knows) who decides to let me fight off one of his new vampires: Guillermo!
So we are fighting (apparently I CAN fight with vampires; who knew!) at the same time I’m trying to get Guillermo to remember. Right as he’s about to bite me, he whispers “just play along.” So I pretend to be dead and once the leader is distracted by Guillermo, I come up and kill him. How did I do that? I don’t know but all I remember is both Guillermo and Booth (YES even poor Booth became a vampire) tearing the leader apart (a la Jasper and Emmett).
You’re wondering: How is this a Twilight/Edward dream? Well, after the fighting the guys realized (of course) they can’t go outside. Being a Twi-heart, I take Guillermo and put him towards the light and show him sparkling under the light. Here is the mini conversation:
Guillermo: Oh now I really have to read the books.
Me: Yes you do, especially if you want to be kissing me.
Guillermo: Why? Is there like a special vampire trick or something to kiss you?
Me: Try it and see what happens.
He leans over and kisses me but, like Edward, was having trouble. It was worst when, by accident, his tooth poked my lip and I started bleeding. Guillermo backs away while I was trying to clean my lip.
Me: Now you know what I mean. We are stopping by the house and I’m getting my books so you can start reading. Trust me, now you will have so much time you can finish reading those books in a couple of days.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
A week from today I should have been going to the BSB concert...
Sadly all the posers that claim to be the Backstreet Boys's "biggest fans" bought all the tickets so now I have to stay home and do NOTHING. Yes I could go to the semi free concert at Hollywood Park next week but my connection (aka Robert) is angry at me so I can't get in for free and get free drinks and food. I was so excited today because I worked so much and I got a big paycheck. I was going to buy my Ecplise tee and my Bella bracelet (read previous blog) but now when I checked my bank to make sure I had enough to order my internet (and not use the one at work) I was negative!!! The bank took all my money and I didn't even know! Grr Bank of America! Now I am poor again (tomorrow I'm supposed to go by my step mother's art studio and pick up some money that she's gonna give me for voluteering at the school a couple weeks ago so I guess that's something) How do you get someone to understand you don't want anything from him? That's the latest issue between Guillermo and me. Yes I broke and started talking to him but of course the conversation had to turn to "us." I get the fact that things can't be the same because of the email (Grr...stupid email! I so regret sending that to him but I was a PMSing girl that was under pressure because someone's crazy boyfriend was calling the office giving death threats. Can you blame me?) but I don't want Guillermo like that anymore. Trying to tell him that is much harder than having a deep conversation with him in person. I feel bad hurting him like that, but I do miss him a lot. Well it's almost time for me to leave one bad place and head to another bad place. Also known as "Going to my aunt's house to watch the Laker game." Why? Robert's pissed at me and most likely my aunt's pissed at me too for not calling. Well I'm sorry but I have more pressing issues than remembering to call relatives that can also pick up the phone and call me too. Grr...to lazy relatives! Yes I'm not in a happy mood today. Actually haven't been my happy self for this whole week. Definitely I do need a drink now. :) |
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