Bored, sick and just not feeling my happy old self

For the past month, I've been so excited for my birthday.  I don't know why, but some reason number 28 was THE ONE.  I told everyone and had my own little countdown at work and home.  Ocassionally I had my moment of doubt (aka: letting the family get to me, money problems, friends) but I got over it and carried on in my birthday countdown.  It wasn't until my actual week of my birthday that thinks went down.  Monday I was supposed to go to Disneyland with Rebecca and Gaby (who I'm still a tad hurt she's best friends with Rebecca when in the past she couldn't stand her and now goes to Disneyland with her without me).  It was raining but I was still going with them until Gaby finally cancelled and decided to go next week.  Both her and Rebecca are in school so they still have a week's vacation. I, however, have an actual job that makes me work everyday (except Mondays and Fridays) and since next week was a busy (yeah right!) week, I couldn't take time off. What do they do? They go to Disneyland yesterday and then in February we'll go.  You know darn well things will happen from now to February and we will not go.  So I have resorted to go with my aunt Saturday (who doesn't like to get on rides).

Next, I had the worst birthday ever in the history of birthdays.  If I knew I was not going to get any presents on my birthday, I would not have opened my only 2 presents from Carilly and Marcus (I mean Guillermo -- love how I changed his name!).  Then we go visit my uncle and his family after visiting my aunt and the boys.  We ended up staying the entire day with my uncle (when we were supposed to be there for a bit then go home and have my traditional birthday dinner) and not having my dinner.  Worst, I didn't have a birthday cake! You know I was crying all night (except when my aunt surprised me with one at 10:30pm).  Sunday I had lunch with my dad and stepmom (which, surprisingly wasn't bad because it was just them and not the rest of the family. My tia, however, had to throw in on her card her sassy comment).  No birthday dinner that night from my mom again. I got my dinner Monday night (and a new cake) but supposedly I'm having a nicer birthday dinner next month. 

HOWEVER..
My birthday wasn't all that bad. Guillermo texted me the week before my birthday, out of the blue.  He remembered my birthday (which surprised me because he never remembers anything) AND he actually had a gift for me. I was so excited all last week, waiting for Friday when I was going over his house.  It was like old times between us because things weren't weird or anything like the last time I saw him.  So much that right after texting Carilly that things between us were perfect (just friends), we go back to the same situation as before. Only difference: I leave right after the fact (mostly to go pick up my mom but still).  What does this all mean? I have no clue.

it's been a while but hopefully back to updates a week

A lot has happened since the last time I posted on this thing but at least it will make for a better (and longer!) blog. LOL.

I. Guillermo:
Haven't talked to him in months (which "normal" people would consider to be a good thing).  Yes I have missed talking to him and on several occassions wanted to text him, but surprisingly I have good will power.  I think this is finally it between us.  Last year, around this time, I was torn with breaking up with him because of his comments and thought I would never get over him.  Now, I can go on without Guillermo and I'm starting to be happy again.  I know Mike (aka: my BSB Ace friend) had posed the question "can you live without him?" when I was ranting to him about Guillermo and at the time I thought "no of course not." Now that I think about it, I am living without Guillermo in my life and I'm fine. Do I wish I can share some stuff with Guillermo? Yes, but until he realizes he can't have things go both ways (be friends AND have an intimate relationship), I'm not talking to him.  Plus it doesn't seem like it bothers him because he has a new "best friend" girl in his life.  Yes, I have been replaced and it bothers me, but I'm not budging.  Maybe this Vegas trip will be more interesting...hmm...

II. The other family drama
Apparently this drama (over a phone mind you!) has now become MY FAULT. I told Robert (mind you, I texted him back in April) about the possibility of his phone being lost and I would pay him back if it was.  He never responded back to me and this whole issue continued on until 2 months ago when my aunts "decided" to pay my mom and I a visit. I was very weary of this sudden visit because the week before I called my dad.  My grandpa (who I haven't seen in years because of my family) came down to visit and asked about me.  Then I get a frantic call from my grandpa and when I called him back, my grandpa was very upset and kept insisting if I was ok.  This pissed me off because I didn't know what my aunts had told him and I called my dad, upset of course, to find out what they said about me.  My dad calls back, assuring me no one told my grandpa anything about me, but I was still upset over this whole thing.  Then my mom text my dad and told him to do something about this situation (against my knowledge of course) and sure enough he did.  Hence, the visit and pie. (LOL).
So it was going well until my aunt started with her "well the main reason we're here is to talk about what's going on." There I go with forcefully putting my fork down and waiting to hear it.  Of course it turned into "well you know, putting stuff on facebook is not right" and "we were very concern about you from what we heard" and (this is my favorite) "I did not want to bother with you so I didn't invite you to my birthday dinner".  Oh how much I wanted to tell them off at that moment, but for the sake of my mom (and the neighbor), I kept my mouth shut, looked down, rolled my eyes, and just took it like a girl.  Don't you love how family can turn something around and make you look like the bad guy?  Oh but they couldn't stop praising my crack-hore of a half cousin.  Yes I can truly say that because that's what she is. She shacked up with 2 guys, taking drugs and the family didn't like that.  Then she cleans up her act, starts coming around more, actually dates the guy and the family treats her like the golden child.  Do I have to do that to get some recognition from that family?

What I learned from this "intervention" of sorts? I'm a bother to the family, I have to be a crack-hore like the "cousin", and this whole thing is my fault and I need to apologize to Robert.  Even though I already admitted my fault and took responsibility for losing the phone, I need to apologize to him for not talking to him.  Am I missing something here?

I hope December will be a much better month for me (free of Guillermo, the other family and other stuff) and 2011 will be a much better year (no Bella in the woods, no Guillermo, no other family). 

Update to my last post

I have decided to let Guillermo go. Well, unofficially I have (since our relationship is still in the unofficial status).  For the 2 years we have been going out, Guillermo always said how he loves Denver and wishes he could go back.  He went to school out there so it's understandable why he feels so attached to Denver.  The last time we went out, Guillermo was saying how he gets his mind set on doing something for him and then something happens and he puts his life on hold to fix it.   It got me thinking: what if one of the reasons he is staying is me? Crazy thinking, yes I know because I don't mean anything to him but I have a small feeling it could be.  I remember last year, before he went on his weekend trip back to Colorado, I made a big thing that I was never gonna see him again. Now that I'm older (wiser maybe?), I realized I should have just let him go.  I don't want to be the reason Guillermo can't live out his dream and if it ever came down to it, I would give up my happiness for him to be happy. 


Of course Guillermo would never ask me that, or even think about it, but I'm already preparing myself for that situation. Maybe that's why it's kinda been easy for me to be apart from him this long.  Though I still have my moments of missing (and crying) over him, I've been pretty good about not texting him or anything. 

Very impressed with myself lately :) GOLD STARS!!

Here's a recap of what's going on:
1. Guillermo and me fell back into our old thing.
2. Guilllermo goes and makes things weird between us by forcing me to be around his friends (who clearly don't like me)
3. The friends I met were girls he works with and clearly were flirting with him (both pre-drinking, buzzed, and wasted)
4. Guillermo and me haven't talked since the drinking party, but just quick little FB posts
5. It's not the same anymore between us after our one night stand (if that's what you would call it)
6. I'm not missing Guillermo like I used to before..I'm actually enjoying not having to worry about what to wear to go out
7. Am I NOT in love with Guillermo anymore?
and #8: I am still in love with him.

Why am I still in love with him, though he made our relationship weird and doesn't want to do anything with me anymore? Same reason why I couldn't break up with him last year and why I couldn't leave him 2 years ago.
I want to say I am over him, but he does things that surprises me.  Like this weekend when I threw my mom her surprise 50th birthday party, Guillermo left me a FB message wishing my mom a happy birthday. He NEVER did that before.  Of course there's the causal FB comments but that's the extent of our conversations.  Even the comments are kinda weird because Guillermo's not teasing me.  I don't know with this guy: should I give up or keep holding on?

My crazy dream (non Twilight so don't worry hehehe)

So there are 3 guys that were the main focus of the party, but sadly I can only remember one and his name's Walter. Apparently this Walter guy is a major player that pretends he's Mr Perfect but is really a jerk (according to Guillermo and the other girls that were there). So Guillermo leaves me to go referee the 2 guys that went outside and I was left with the rest of the group, Walter included. He (Walter) starts flirting with me but of course I turn him down. This guy, in my dream and hopefully he's not like this in real life, becomes this major stalker and follows me around the ESPN Zone, including THE BATHROOM!! Yes this guy's hella strange!


After the bathroom incident, I go back to the table and ask Diana (nice dressed Diana, but I don't think she went to the party in RL) where G was. MAJOR ATTITUDE she gave me so I grabbed my purse and went to look for G. At that moment, I saw Walter (crazy, stalker freak) walking by with SECURITY towards the door. I decided to follow them and see if G was outside. Sure enough, there was G with the 2 guys that were fighting and he was just standing there. Freaky, stalker guy Walter brought out security to arrest the 2 guys but not G, so I grabbed him and told him I wanted to leave already. G agreed and we were about to turn around when crazy, stalker Walter came back and grabbed my arm, saying we couldn't leave yet.G pushed him back, saying not to grab his girlfriend (aww..) like that.

We turned around and was about to walk away when crazy, stalker Walter started laughing at G and said something that I don't remember. I turned around and looked at crazy, stalker Walter and said, "What?" Crazy, stalker Walter said, "You're his girlfriend? That's not what he told me." I turned around and reply "WHAT?" Walter, still laughing, continues against Guillermo's constant "shut the hell up Walter".

"Yeah Jess you should hear all the stuff Mo says about you. 'Oh I have this girl that's so easy I love it.' 'Oh this girl's so stupid and pathetic that I can toss her a stupid complement and she's down on me in seconds' and..oh Jess this is my favorite part...'Dude, once I screw her, I'm dumping her easy ass!"
I was so hella pissed at Guillermo during Walter's drunk confession that I didn't know what to do.  I didn't seem like I was going to cry but when G was trying to calm me down and I just looked at him and punched him hard! Yes yours truly punched a guy and broke his nose and gave him a black eye. I'm so proud of myself.

So how did I get home? 2 versions (why 2 I don't know LOL).
1. I called Robert and he picked me up and made up.
2. I actually drove over to LA Live and met G there. After the fight I went back to my car and drove home.

But in both versions, I had to put ice on my hand because I hit him so hard, it buised my hand. After the fact, I was in hella a lot of pain too. LOL.

Wouldn't that be crazy that G pisses or hurts me so badly I would literally punch him? As if cute and adorable me would do that! hehehhe...

New Jess is finally taking over (for now at least!)

Another weekend went by and still no word from Guillermo about going out.  Assuming the only way to get his attention is by waving McDonald Happy Meals in front of him, I pretty much gave up on the whole reconciliation idea.  It was good while it lasted (only 1 outing and then the almost sleep over at his house), but I guess our 7 month break up changed everything. 

Instead of me texting him and officially breaking up, I decided (and with my Bestie's consistent approval of anything Guillermo related LOL) to play it HIS way.  My plan:  break up with Guillermo but not tell him.  Then when he finally decides to go out with me, I'll go but then confront him with the million dollar question: "what the hell do you want to do? make it official or not?"

I mean, if Guillermo treated me like a girlfriend, I would not be having these issues, but he never treated me like one. Except when we went to Pershing Square last summer and then to the beach, but of course it was because he was leaving to Denver that week.  He treats me like his best friend in public, but when we go back to his house and especially around his parents, he treats me like his girlfriend. 

Of course my "sorority sisters" who are supposed to stand by me and support me thinks I'm crazy.  They have even resorted to talking about me on Facebook, saying how "ignorant" I am with this whole thing. Yes I should have just moved on, but how could I when he's been such a part of my life for 2 years?  Plus the fact I still love him. 

Last night my bestie and me went to a book signing and I fell in love with it.  It made me realize I didn't need Guillermo to have fun, though there are some things that I would like to do with him.  I think my crazy plan might just work and hopefully when I do see Guillermo again, it won't be the last time.

"Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart"

It wasn't bad enough I crossed the line and took Guillermo back, but now I'm so over the line I can't see the side of reasoning. LOL. (Ok no more Emily Griffin/Wickman novels LOL).  I realized this weekend it's tough being a girlfriend, especially an unofficial one.  I made a promise that I would not make the same mistakes I made the first time around with him, but damn Guillermo! He must've known about my promise because he's pulling every trick in the book to piss me off. 

Saturday he goes out to a baseball game and doesn't invite me.  Granted, I had plans with the family (we drove to Simi Valley to the Reagan Museum.  I LOVED it!) but a "hey, I'm going to the game at 5pm you wanna come?" or something like that.  If he would have texted me, I would have no reason to be upset. BUT HE DIDN'T! I was so upset but instead of arguing with him (which the old Jess would have definitely done!), I quietly put my phone down and started reading my book, thinking of ways to get back at Guillermo.  I even thought of ways to find a Voturi family that could take him down too (YES I was pissed!). 

Sunday was worst because all day, I did not hear from him.  I made it a point (since apparently the only reason Guillermo complained about me deleting him from my Facebook was to check up on me) to mention on my statuses "I'M BORED SO I'M READING" .  Did he call or text me to see if I wanted to go and do something? NO!! Oh, but the only, ONLY FREAKING text from him was a reply to my last status of the day. 

Status: "NEIGHBORS ARE KILLING ME WITH GARLIC" or something like that but it was with garlic.
HIM: "REMIND ME TO GET YOU GARLIC FRIES!"

OMFG!! I wanted to call Guillermo up and let him have it! He could open up his laptop and reply back to a status but he can't freakin' pick up his phone and text me a message or (dare I say it!) call me!  I don't know if this is a constant problem for girlfriends, I could be nitpicking, or both but this really bothered me.  I know things changed between Guillermo and me, but I guess I was hoping for us to be closer after getting back together. 

Bestie and me referred to Guillermo as "My Baby #3" but now he's been downgraded to "Marcus", the insensitive, uncaring guy from "Something Borrowed".