quicky

Right now I am trying to read the latest Twilight book "The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner" but of course I can't do that. LOL.

I'm excited that Sassy let me hold her and pet her this morning. I hope she lets me pet her again tonight. :)

Guillermo emailed me, confused as always as to why I deleted him from my FB. I went ahead and added him again but I think it's to just check up on me to see what I'm doing. Well I'm not giving him pleasure to see how miserable I am without him.

More blogging tomorrow.

After a fun filled, work week I still haven't learned anything!

I knew June 1st was going to be the "make it or break it day" because when I was sick I gave myself till this day to get better. Why June 1st? Guillermo's birthday. I had thought this day would be the comeback day for us, me surprising him on his birthday and of course being better. Well the latter happened quickly but I was still on the deadline.

Since we had our text fight last month, I debated long and hard about even wishing Guillermo happy birthday. I mean, he didn't do that for me on my birthday and practically ruined it. Finally the nice Jess in me (I hate the nice Jess by the way) decided to do it and I FB him a generic birthday wish. He replies back that night and the mean Jess replies back, saying "If one of us was to have a good birthday I guess it was you." He replies back "Uhh..okay. Glad to be born then." Of course I could have came back with a meaner line but instead took it as a good sign and started talking to him. Guillermo didn't want to talk because he ended the conversation with "OK" I was hurt but more pissed because here I was, the one that actually didn't do anything this time, making the effort and Guillermo, who was at fault with this fight, didn't want to do anything about it.

I decided at that time, I wouldn't do anything about it anymore. I have other friends that I can hang out with and I didn't need Guillermo anymore. Well, in a way I do need the Guillermo that I was friends with. The one that promised to always be there for me, especially when it's important, but all that I've seen is the jerk Guillermo that just tossed me to the side. My co-worker, Cecy, who knows much about our drama too had said Guillermo could have been teasing me because he knew I would never make a scene in public but I took it literally. I thought about it but after how he acted last night, I think he really meant it.

This morning I decided to do the thing I should have done in the beginning (not really because I was heavily medicated so I could have ended up deleting everyone except him) I took Guillermo off my FB. I know I will never hear from him again, but if Guillermo ever decides he wants to work things out, he can text me or call me. I know I have said it so many times but somehow Guillermo and me always found our way back to each other, but I think now it's really really over and now I am through with him.

Sassy vs Tobey, round 1

It has been about a month since I got Sassy (my adorable yet bad kitten that my bestie Carilly gave me) and because she likes to hide under the sofas, the bed, the dresser (yes she's gotten in the drawers now) and any place she can get into I haven't had the chance to introduced her to Tobey (my equally adorable but bad dog).  The first time he came over the house, Tobey went crazy.  He was crying while sniffing Sassy out from under the sofa (which was the reason she got out of the house and was outside for a couple of days.) The second time I brought him over, Tobey sniffed around and just forgot about her.  Maybe he thought I got rid of the kitty.  Then last week Tobey came and started living with us.  We were worried Tobey would go back and start hunting down Sassy but since he had to move to a new house, Tobey mostly was sleeping and being depressed.  I stayed home with him for a couple of days, just to watch him and make sure he didn't see her, and nothing.  I even left Tobey home alone for a few hours on Sunday and nothing happened.  I began to think the pairing would work.

Then Sassy started to get ideas and would causally pop out from under my mom's bed, like taunting Tobey to come and get her.  My mom and I would quickly close the door, move towards her (when Sassy sees someone take a step, she runs.), or something so Tobey wouldn't see her.  Maybe she wanted Tobey to see her because he tends to eat her food. Sassy started acting braver and then today of all days (I was going back to work) she made her move.  I saw her coming towards my room and Tobey was, of course, sleeping on my bed.  She would peek over to my room and quickly duck back to my mom's room.  When I would see her I would move towards her and of course run.  I guess I turned around too quickly because as soon as I turned my back to get my stuff, Sassy peeked over and ran to the living room.  Tobey jumped down and ran after her, barking at her.  I run (okay, hobbled) over to the kitchen and poor Tobey was wimpering while sniffing around the kitchen and sofa.  I felt so bad, but I had to leave so I quickly petted Tobey on the head and tried to calm him down.  When I was closing the door, Tobey was just looking at me with sad eyes.  I just hoped Sassy doesn't do anything because I may be coming home to an even more messy house later. 

This is how it might play out

So my work computer didn't even want me to post it because it shut off on me (and all my work was lost so I have to get back to work. LOL).  Anyway, yesterday I started to write this and this scene is kinda how I think our last outing will be.  Sad, yes I know but in reality this is mostly how it will turn out. I left it open because maybe Guillermo will surprise me and actually do something but I know him well enough that he won't.

Lizzy looks at Carlos, both of them red eyed from crying. This wasn't supposed to end up like this, she thought. "What Carlos? Are you just gonna give up and walk away? What happened to the Carlos I knew? The one I fell in love with? Where is he?" She felt the tears coming down her cheeks but she didn't care anymore.


Carlos just stood there, looking at Lizzy.  All he wanted to do was grab Lizzy, hug her and tell her the truth. Something inside him, however, was holding him back from doing that and it was killing him. "Lizzy...I'm...I'm sorry." was all he could get out before he started to cry.


Lizzy stopped and realized, for the first time in their 1 year and 11 month relationship, this was truly over.  She was going to turn around and walk away, but decided to finish this off for good. Sighing, Lizzy wiped her eyes and looked at Carlos.


"Carlos, I'm sorry for this.  If I hadn't asked for that break we would be fine right now. Instead I got angry after your comment about cheating on me if we hooked up. In this relationship, that's the only thing I regret doing. I will always love you Carlos because you were my 1st everything. Yes we had our moments but mostly we always found our way back to each other. I have such great memories of us, whether it was at the beach or just driving around. You supported me and just being there when no one else was. I'm gonna miss that because after tonight I have to face the fact you won't be around anymore."

Lizzy starts to cry and leans over and kisses Carlos one more time, reminding her of their first kiss a year ago.  Carlos didn't say anything when Lizzy stood and turned around.  As she walked away, Lizzy wished and even prayed that Carlos would stop her from leaving but nothing happened.

Again I stayed home because I feel miserable and yet again I'm out doing other things than resting. Grr... I had a Bella moment yesterday at Matty's school. There was a dad picking up his daughter and for the next 5 minutes I thought it was Guillermo. Then I put on Twitter "Dear Alice. I saw him today." like from New Moon. I forgot the rest but still it was weird.

Here's what I know

About 3 things I know....
1. Guillermo Flores is a JERK
2. A part of him, and I don't know how much of him, is in love with me.
3. I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him....still

Dang! Really has been a while!

Supposedly I'm working on entering and getting history reports on these correspondences that I'm now in charge of, but instead I'm blogging. LOL.


First off, I'm actually doing better with my leg. Yes I'm a tad limping but lately I can pull off the walking normally again. It's probably been a month since the new doctor put me back on the medication and FINALLY it's starting to work. I hope this means I can pull off the old "get up and dress in 5 minutes" routine again. Of course I have the occassional pain when I forget and overwork it, but majority of the time I can fake it. Yay! I'm not House anymore. Maybe in some strange way, watching Edge (who messed up his Achilles' Heel and had surgery but still limps a little) fight and defeat Chris Jericho on EXTREME RULES helped? lol

So Guillermo and me have been trying to actually go out again since the end of last month but every time something happens and we don't go. Either my leg's acting up or he's working. I'm hoping it will be different on Friday. Why Friday? The BERLIN concert at Hollywood Park! He mentioned he wanted to go and I started looking into the concert (aka: finding out if it was the real band). Then I posted that I was going to the concert too. I'm so excited, since it will be the first actual concert I am going to, but now I'm starting to have second thoughts about it.

First, what if Guillermo is not even going after all.
Second, what if he goes but doesn't take me.

Since Guillermo first started asking to go out, I started to panic. Part of me wanted to definitely go out, since I haven't gone out since December (pretty much after I broke up with him and when I got sick). The other part of me was afraid to go out because I didn't want Guillermo to see how bad I was. Yes I did ask him one night if he would treat me differently and he said "of course not" but he's a guy. Now that I'm ready to go and face him, I'm worried if I waited too long. I know we had agreed to be friends but could I be especially if I see him with someone else? Guillermo's done a lot of going out while I was sick so it could happen and I would be happy for him, but this is the guy I love. Could I really be the good friend and let him go? That is why now I'm debating about the concert. Let's see what happens.

I'm finally getting used to the new house and it's been about 3 weeks since my mom and I moved. I have my posters up so it's beginning to feel like 'my home.' I've never felt like that since we moved from my grandma's house many years ago and this house kinda reminds me of her house. Maybe that's why I'm starting to feel a bit comfortable.

Oh and finally my mom conceded and let me get a KITTY!! YAY!

She's a tiny, tiny black and white kitty named Sassy because she got out and for the entire weekend we couldn't find her. Monday we were able to find her and coax her back inside (of course after getting bitten by her while feeding her.) Now Sassy's back to hiding under the couches but at least I know she's inside.