This is how it might play out

So my work computer didn't even want me to post it because it shut off on me (and all my work was lost so I have to get back to work. LOL).  Anyway, yesterday I started to write this and this scene is kinda how I think our last outing will be.  Sad, yes I know but in reality this is mostly how it will turn out. I left it open because maybe Guillermo will surprise me and actually do something but I know him well enough that he won't.

Lizzy looks at Carlos, both of them red eyed from crying. This wasn't supposed to end up like this, she thought. "What Carlos? Are you just gonna give up and walk away? What happened to the Carlos I knew? The one I fell in love with? Where is he?" She felt the tears coming down her cheeks but she didn't care anymore.


Carlos just stood there, looking at Lizzy.  All he wanted to do was grab Lizzy, hug her and tell her the truth. Something inside him, however, was holding him back from doing that and it was killing him. "Lizzy...I'm...I'm sorry." was all he could get out before he started to cry.


Lizzy stopped and realized, for the first time in their 1 year and 11 month relationship, this was truly over.  She was going to turn around and walk away, but decided to finish this off for good. Sighing, Lizzy wiped her eyes and looked at Carlos.


"Carlos, I'm sorry for this.  If I hadn't asked for that break we would be fine right now. Instead I got angry after your comment about cheating on me if we hooked up. In this relationship, that's the only thing I regret doing. I will always love you Carlos because you were my 1st everything. Yes we had our moments but mostly we always found our way back to each other. I have such great memories of us, whether it was at the beach or just driving around. You supported me and just being there when no one else was. I'm gonna miss that because after tonight I have to face the fact you won't be around anymore."

Lizzy starts to cry and leans over and kisses Carlos one more time, reminding her of their first kiss a year ago.  Carlos didn't say anything when Lizzy stood and turned around.  As she walked away, Lizzy wished and even prayed that Carlos would stop her from leaving but nothing happened.

Again I stayed home because I feel miserable and yet again I'm out doing other things than resting. Grr... I had a Bella moment yesterday at Matty's school. There was a dad picking up his daughter and for the next 5 minutes I thought it was Guillermo. Then I put on Twitter "Dear Alice. I saw him today." like from New Moon. I forgot the rest but still it was weird.

Here's what I know

About 3 things I know....
1. Guillermo Flores is a JERK
2. A part of him, and I don't know how much of him, is in love with me.
3. I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him....still

Dang! Really has been a while!

Supposedly I'm working on entering and getting history reports on these correspondences that I'm now in charge of, but instead I'm blogging. LOL.


First off, I'm actually doing better with my leg. Yes I'm a tad limping but lately I can pull off the walking normally again. It's probably been a month since the new doctor put me back on the medication and FINALLY it's starting to work. I hope this means I can pull off the old "get up and dress in 5 minutes" routine again. Of course I have the occassional pain when I forget and overwork it, but majority of the time I can fake it. Yay! I'm not House anymore. Maybe in some strange way, watching Edge (who messed up his Achilles' Heel and had surgery but still limps a little) fight and defeat Chris Jericho on EXTREME RULES helped? lol

So Guillermo and me have been trying to actually go out again since the end of last month but every time something happens and we don't go. Either my leg's acting up or he's working. I'm hoping it will be different on Friday. Why Friday? The BERLIN concert at Hollywood Park! He mentioned he wanted to go and I started looking into the concert (aka: finding out if it was the real band). Then I posted that I was going to the concert too. I'm so excited, since it will be the first actual concert I am going to, but now I'm starting to have second thoughts about it.

First, what if Guillermo is not even going after all.
Second, what if he goes but doesn't take me.

Since Guillermo first started asking to go out, I started to panic. Part of me wanted to definitely go out, since I haven't gone out since December (pretty much after I broke up with him and when I got sick). The other part of me was afraid to go out because I didn't want Guillermo to see how bad I was. Yes I did ask him one night if he would treat me differently and he said "of course not" but he's a guy. Now that I'm ready to go and face him, I'm worried if I waited too long. I know we had agreed to be friends but could I be especially if I see him with someone else? Guillermo's done a lot of going out while I was sick so it could happen and I would be happy for him, but this is the guy I love. Could I really be the good friend and let him go? That is why now I'm debating about the concert. Let's see what happens.

I'm finally getting used to the new house and it's been about 3 weeks since my mom and I moved. I have my posters up so it's beginning to feel like 'my home.' I've never felt like that since we moved from my grandma's house many years ago and this house kinda reminds me of her house. Maybe that's why I'm starting to feel a bit comfortable.

Oh and finally my mom conceded and let me get a KITTY!! YAY!

She's a tiny, tiny black and white kitty named Sassy because she got out and for the entire weekend we couldn't find her. Monday we were able to find her and coax her back inside (of course after getting bitten by her while feeding her.) Now Sassy's back to hiding under the couches but at least I know she's inside.

Home from work yet again

Yes and I have a feeling this could be a weekly event.  Ehh...

So after waking up from a long nap due to taking pain killers for the leg (oh and my jaw's hurting like crazy and my cheek is actually swollen---I'm a freak now! *sad face*) I remembered that the new Eclipse trailer came out this morning.  There I go to check it out and OMG this will probably be the best movie in the series (granted there are only 2 made and 1 more to go, actually Breaking Dawn will probably be split into 2 parts like Harry Potter).  The one part that everyone's talking about (and wishes their men would say to them, myself included and actually had tears in my eyes thinking about it) is Jacob's famous line "I'm going to fight for you until your heart stops beating"

Of course we all know how the book ends but it's still exciting to see who Bella will choose.  As if the director will make a drastic change in the movie, upsetting the whole Twilight community.  As for me, I'm still a Team Jacob fan.  Trying to make Guillermo into my own Edward kinda made this Edward not so appealing anymore.  For a while, I hated Jacob but after 5 minutes I realized he's the most realistic guy in the series.

Countdown to Ecplise on June 30th has now started. Now I have to go back and reread the book before June.

Of course the day I come back to work, there's no supervision......

AND NO WORK FOR ME!!! YIKES!!

So, I'll just blog and make it seem like I'm working on billing stuff so the other supervisors (or the lead that for some odd reason does not like me since I started working here) won't throw me to the non-Jacob pack wolves (aka: the PHONES).

What I did since the last time I posted? Hmm....
1. Off work again because my leg swelled up again but not as bad like last time.
2. Couldn't go to Disneyland on Sunday because of the leg situation but had fun at home
3. Another Cinderella Story is still my favorite movie but it doesn't make me sad like before.\
4. Downloaded more songs from the soundtrack Another Cinderella Story
5. Suddenly have an urge to dance (crazy, huh? Of course if I tried it now I would end up right back in the hospital. LOL)
6. Realized I do not want to see my dad's family because frankly they get on my nerves and I don't want to be around that right now during my recovery.
7. Still trying to write letters to people but when I start, I never finish it (Sorry Carilly but it's coming!!)
8. Realized that making peace with Angie wasn't a good thing because I haven't heard anything back from her.
9. Decided based on #8 not to make peace with Katie
10. I spend too much time thinking when I'm just laying in bed with my leg elevated and can't fend for myself. LOL

Oh and add another thing on the list of stuff: I haven't had ANY inclination to text or even want to talk to Guillermo since the last text I sent him. I think that's what I needed: closure. I told him how I felt, then told him I never regret the things we did, he wants to still be friends and there you go. Yes maybe it would be nice to have him text me to see how I'm doing (I told him I would be better in a few weeks) but I'm not thinking about it or anything anymore. Maybe if I had done this sooner, like a week before my birthday, I would have been so much better.

OH, RANDOMness! I found cds that I made at the Mount of old songs so I started listening to them in the car this week. I can't believe the stuff I downloaded! I guess it was the Mount coodies or something. LOL. Anyway, I found this song that it could have been my official break up song. Then I looked at the title of the cd: LOVE SONGS to cry over. It got me thinking: Who would I be in love with that I would have LOVE SONGS? I know for certain there was Jimmy but he had too many issues (Plus he was with Angie and that's how the whole drama started between Katie and Angie). Irene had some guy she met online and Rebecca had some 17 year old guy from school and of course Katie had no one so it made me think. Was it somehow a precursor to what would happen now? Interesting enough it made me watch the Matrix at 8:30 in the morning. LOL.

OMG! Joe KISSED Stella! Where was I when this happened?

My mom bought me the new I HEART JONAS dvd the other night (since I went through all the movies I got while I was recovering that week) and I saw that last episode (might have been the season finale in "normal people" time). I am SO glad Joe finally gave in and kissed Stella. Times like this I wished I had cable to watch season 2. I may have to tweet Nick and Joe and get some hints or something to let me know. Will Joe and Stella FINALLY be a couple? So exciting!

"Recovering" you might ask? Yes, yours truly was once again in the mist of a medical emergency in the form of not walking....at all. When I was sick with the flu a while ago, I took tons of Tyenol and Tyenol Multi Symptom medicine and some other stuff (which I was too sick to remember but apparently my mom called my aunt who thinks she's a licensed doctor and told my mom to buy all these stuff to give me). I did get better in a week but then my leg (my bad leg--the one that has the blood clot in it) got hella swollen and painful to walk. Eventually on Friday my mom couldn't stand to watch me limp around so she dragged me to the hospital. We went at 9am (which both of us thought it wouldn't be crowded and we would be in and out quick) and after 5pm (YES that late!) we went home (which was good because I was so worried I would be spending the weekend in the hospital). The rest of the weekend and week (since I had to stay home) and that following weekend, I was confined (yet again!) to the bed, with my leg up and taking MORE medicines for the pain. Downside, I had to move downstairs to my mom's room and she moved up to my old room so that was a mess with bringing stuff down. Upside: I finally got JONAS season 1. LOL.

I guess being that I was sick and maybe the medicines was making me crazy, I decided that I needed to talk to Guillermo. I went ahead and sent him a text, saying once I feel better we should go and talk about what happened. See, after sending the email I was upset and hurt about what he said but I wasn't thinking straight because right after was the "crazy boyfriend stalking an employee" situation and within a hour the building was evacuated. After the fact, however, I reread the email and realized what I put wasn't true. I felt bad because I didn't want Guillermo to think I regret everything we did because the only thing I regret was not telling him sooner how I felt. So, while laying in bed and doing nothing (my mom left to do something and I wanted something to eat but since I couldn't get up, I had to wait until someone came home to help. Sad huh?) I texted him and it took him a whole FREAKIN' day to reply back. Long story short: the 3 month anniversary of our breakup turned out to be a semi hopeful one because we are going to try out being friends (again) but once I feel better and won't use a walking cane to smack him (LOL. That was Guillermo's condition). One thing that touched me was how he said he wishes he could give me what I wanted and he feels the same way that I do. Maybe that's a good sign? No, no I'm not going to spend my time thinking about this. I did what I had to do and now he has to do something. :)

Finally, I am back at work and of course I have work waiting for me. LOL.
That crazy guy Tommy is moving to Wisconsin to be with this girl he's been in love with for ever and they have more drama than Guillermo and me. LOL. Who knew! Thank god he's leaving because I realized, yes I cut him out after the breakup but he keeps reminding me how HE felt. OMFG! Get over it (plus I apologized AND explained that it wasn't just him it was everyone).
Robert, after getting thrown out by my tia (which is HIS fault because of his attitude), and I are not speaking to each other especially after the Guillermo thing.

Oh and I got my ABSOULTE, FAVORITE MOVIE of ALL TIME:: 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU!!! *squeal*